Since we have pre-empted this season of Rejoicing in Our Savior’s Birth with much ado about “exchanging gifts” and over-eating and other indulgences, I would like to take this opportunity to explore this idea we have about the perfect gift for everyone on our list.
Of course, that is impossible, and I am truly grateful when anyone chooses to recognize me with a gift, but I am constantly amazed at how difficult it really is to get inside someone else’s head and heart and be able to thrill them.
The thing about gift giving that I never liked was really the receiving part where you are taught to receive all gifts with a smile and hearty “Thank You”.
I can agree with this to a certain extent, but when it comes to spouses, family and close friends…we really need to pay attention.
It may surprise many that I should feel this way, but I think many people are careless in their gift giving decisions, and the feelings and lifestyle of the receiver are, haphazardly, if at all taken into consideration. Sometimes I wonder if some folks are just trying to “improve” me in some way…for instance when they feel the need to “gift me” with make-up. I have decided for many reasons, not to wear make-up, at least very little. One reason is that I tend to be allergic to even hypo-allergenic make-up. I try to make this fact known to my family and friends, so what am I to think when I receive this as gifts?
Are they trying to tell me “Hey, you look every bit your age and more, so it’s about time you did something about it--after all--WE are the ones who have to LOOK at you!” Or perhaps they are saying more about themselves, that the gift(s) they give are on the order of what THEY would be very pleased to receive. For myself, I go out of my way to purchase UNSCENTED everything. At times even the laundry soap or softener makes me feel like I can’t breath, so forgive me if my smile and delight is a bit feigned. I have to open and sniff the household cleaners to see if I will be able to tolerate the scent without progressing to the inability to breath or a migraine or whatever else intolerances my body chooses to respond to. Scented candles are wonderful to me, for about 5 minutes and I can’t take it anymore. I realize it sounds like I am looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I guess I am.
I can’t expect that every person in my life know this stuff about me, but I should expect my closest family members and even more so, my SPOUSE, should know me.
I must tell a family “secret” of a gift I received from my husband many years ago, when we were newlyweds.
I think that if he and his family had not built it up so highly for weeks, about how thrilled I would be with this gift, I probably would have gratefully received this gift and showed the proper respect. Ladies, I think you will be shocked to learn the gift that I received (and was very unhappy about) was a RING! (A gold ring--funny that I prefer silver)
It was a nice pleasant style and had a simple design, and was not hideous or anything…it was a very nice gift…for someone else. The fact that I had been set up for so many weeks, by his entire family--whom I later learned helped to pick out the gift--which only made matters worse, because not only was I in hot water with my husband, but also with his two sisters and his MOM!!
I was very excited as I began to open the package, and did my best to feign the exuberance they were expecting, but couldn’t hide the tears--which were obviously not tears of joy. Why did I cry? If this was my husband’s idea of the “perfect gift” for his bride, then we obviously had a HUGE communication problem, and he didn’t really know me at all.
Did they not notice that I rarely wore my wedding ring--which btw was a ring from MY Great Grandmother--I liked the older style of it and wishing to have “antique” wedding rings, we asked my family if I could have the ring. My husband NEVER got a wedding band. I was too afraid that his work (as a mechanic) would cause him to lose a finger, and since I had taken Grecco-Roman History was well aware that the wedding band was originally a pagan practice, I would have been just as happy “jumping the broom” and felt every bit as married. And my husband knew that.
I guess, since it was supposed to be some sort of tradition in my husband’s family (which I was never informed of) that I was being accepted into my husband’s family as “one of them”…never found that out until well after my tears exposed me as ungrateful. “Why, any woman would be happy to receive such a fine gift from their husband!!!” I got that from everyone, except those who really know me…
I suppose the fact that I was a dealer of collectible COSTUME jewelry, and had a few pieces of HISTORICAL interest to me, might have confused the issue a bit. I am into history, not jewelry. I APPRECIATE fine jewelry, on other people, and in a museum…not on myself as a general rule.
I won’t go into the “bloody details” of our ensuing arguments and the hurt feelings on both sides…
Then I promised my husband that I would do for him, what he had done for me.
I promised to get him one of the finest gifts he would ever get. I promised that I would bring in my whole family and tell him for weeks just how great a gift this would be and how happy he would be. (Basically I was “promising” to get even…which I am not saying is one of my more shining moments.)
I told him I would show him the way to please a spouses heart with my gift to him. After days and days of my building up what a perfect gift it would be (mind you I had NO INTENTION WHATSOEVER of actually purchasing it) I asked him if he wanted a hint…
I told him how much it would cost, and that it was very fine. Eventually, I told him what it would be…an Armani 3 piece suit! You should know that my husband had 3 hound dogs, was an avid hunter and fisherman, loved camping, was employed as a mechanic, and the hound dogs usually had top priority as he had them before I came into the picture!
He looked at me as if I were crazy…what would he do with an Armani suit?, he asked, incredulously, and (wait for it …) “OHHHHHH!” He had an “aha” moment.
The fact that my husband wears ONLY western cut Wranglers--and for very special occasions (like our wedding!) --in a color other than indigo, and has no occasion to wear a 3 piece suit, nor would ever want to…he FINALLY understood. At least that a gift needs to embrace the world of the receiver to be considered a good and proper gift.
Over the years, my husband has felt intimidated about gift giving to me, but he has generally mastered the art. Grow flowers for me in the yard, which I can enjoy daily, is preferred over purchased flowers which soon die and seem such a waste. A jar of catclaw honey is more important than a box of fine chocolates. An oversized mixing bowl that could hold the cookies or breads that I enjoyed baking. A DVD of an old black and white movie that makes me cry…the good kind of tears. And I am even happy when I get something like a blender or a mixer or towels, not very personal, but something that might make my household chores a little less stressed.
I love it when my husband shows he really knows who I am…and he is thrilled when he gets camouflage (just about anything) and some Coleman fuel for his hunting trips.
And just because I know my husband, doesn’t mean I know everything. Only a few years ago I learned that he loves tulips! So I bought him some tulip bulbs for the flower garden.
I especially like when we exchange “stumbled upon” gifts for each other. One day, recently, my husband came home with a NASCAR racing cap for me, and I had “stumbled upon” a photograph of a bobcat kitten in a tree by a fine photographer. (Cutest cat you ever saw.) They were not HUGE gifts, but they said so much. They said that we KNOW the other one’s HEART. And that is a pretty big gift…
