Recently my son related a simple situation in a scientific program on PBS.
The “scientwists” were walking in a desolate rocky area, when suddenly, one of them spied a rock that had been “chipped” in such a fashion (pre-arrowhead) that it MUST have had human (or humanoid) intervention to be like that. This was considered a terrific FIND!!!!!
THIS???? THIS is what MUST have had some type of intentional intervention? Forgive me, but I am truly under-whelmed at their lack of insight. Not even a scientwist will believe that a simple wooden structure with a roof ( a house) could EVER just spring into being…or that trees will just naturally evolve into a house…it is ridiculous.
They will look at people, at trees, at animals and surmise…" This sprang into being from the primordial soup and then evolved into all the wondrous things in our world”…but the partially chipped rock--THAT must have had an intelligent intervention…no other possibility.

In any sort of logical thinking, one would have to have a great deal of evolutional faith (for faith it must be, as it remains unproven by scientific method) to embrace the idea that every level of living being from single cell to mankind (the REAL terminology for “human”) somehow formed from goop and some other unexplained magical chemical reactions; then to CONTINUE to “live”, had to progress to a point where it could inter-relate with others (who also “popped” into being). Mind you, flowers (for example) had to “figure out” their color, shape, scent, blossoming period…etc. in order to ATTRACT a SIMILARLY evolving entity--and ALL these things had to be done in time for the entities to be able to REPRODUCE for the next "generation of evolution". Yes, I can see how having FAITH in a Creator is so difficult.

Anything we make with our hands (including those things we manufacture with machines) the “scientwists” will ogle with sheer delight. Those things CREATED by my CREATOR, however, they will look upon and try to explain their existence with pure drivel.


When does one ever go to an amusement park and stand in awe of how wonderful that those amazing rides just sprang into being knowing that if they were colorful enough, and fast enough, with lights and music, PEOPLE would be drawn to them by the droves?
When do we look at a castle in England and are astonished at how awful life must have been until it suddenly appeared?
When we pack our family in the car and take a trip to see Mount Rushmore it isn’t because Mount Rushmore suddenly appeared in finished form.
No, we are amazed at the “creators” of these non-living things, that can easily disappear over time. (Or that we can determine to tear down or destroy at our will.)

I, not being a “scientwist”, need to look no farther than my own body or a tree, or a nest in the tree, to KNOW that their MUST be a Creator of these things. There MUST be an intelligent (super-intelligent) force (with a specific determination for the outcome of the creation) behind these things. The chipped rock--well, I can buy the theory that it MUST have a creator too. I’m sorry for those who can’t see the forest for the trees.




Another thing that has been on my mind of late, is the idea that if evolution were the real deal, then anyone who tried to get well, would be violating the principles of evolution. Going to a doctor would be interfering with the survival of the fittest, wouldn’t it? Everyone is on their own. If they live, they live, if not, so much the better, as the “gene pool” would lose the frailty. I’m not sure, but I think that we would have to live in a lawless society to make room for evolution. Because the main aim in evolution is to “worship” self above all else, how dare we tell someone they can’t have something they want or feel they need. It’s a “self-eat-self” world out there in evolution. There is very little reason to concern one’s-self with other’s well-being. Who knows what greatness humans would achieve if we just let natural evolution take over! Why, the world would be without sickness--any “bad“ gene would die off, without poverty--there is no economic system--take what you want, when you want, without a living soul! Oh yeah, that part. Man became a LIVING SOUL when God breathed the Breath of Life into him. Not to mention the fact that man was created in HIS (meaning God’s) IMAGE.




When I was struggling as a teen, thinking about all the different ’religions’ of the world, and why I should be a Christian--follower of Christ, I investigated other religions. I asked my mother why she had settled on following Christ above all the other choices. Her answer was simple. She explained that supposing that Christianity (Christ) was false, that even so, the lifestyle one would adhere to, based on Biblical teachings, would STILL bring the most blessings to anyone’s life, that it was a good moral code--even without Christ in it, but then giving Christ His proper place in one’s life would give everything a reason and a meaning. [If someone lives life according to Christian principle--even without Christ--they will lead a “good” life--not a SAVED life, but a good life.
With Christ there is REDEMPTION. With REDEMPTION the love and care for others, in Christ’s name, follows. ]




The teachings in the Bible are True…following Christ is Truth. “True”, in and of itself, is not necessarily good or bad--“Truth” is what sets you free.

The Golden Ring and the Armani Suit--definitely NOT a case of The Gift of the Magi

Since we have pre-empted this season of Rejoicing in Our Savior’s Birth with much ado about “exchanging gifts” and over-eating and other indulgences, I would like to take this opportunity to explore this idea we have about the perfect gift for everyone on our list.

Of course, that is impossible, and I am truly grateful when anyone chooses to recognize me with a gift, but I am constantly amazed at how difficult it really is to get inside someone else’s head and heart and be able to thrill them.


The thing about gift giving that I never liked was really the receiving part where you are taught to receive all gifts with a smile and hearty “Thank You”.

I can agree with this to a certain extent, but when it comes to spouses, family and close friends…we really need to pay attention.

It may surprise many that I should feel this way, but I think many people are careless in their gift giving decisions, and the feelings and lifestyle of the receiver are, haphazardly, if at all taken into consideration. Sometimes I wonder if some folks are just trying to “improve” me in some way…for instance when they feel the need to “gift me” with make-up. I have decided for many reasons, not to wear make-up, at least very little. One reason is that I tend to be allergic to even hypo-allergenic make-up. I try to make this fact known to my family and friends, so what am I to think when I receive this as gifts?
Are they trying to tell me “Hey, you look every bit your age and more, so it’s about time you did something about it--after all--WE are the ones who have to LOOK at you!” Or perhaps they are saying more about themselves, that the gift(s) they give are on the order of what THEY would be very pleased to receive. For myself, I go out of my way to purchase UNSCENTED everything. At times even the laundry soap or softener makes me feel like I can’t breath, so forgive me if my smile and delight is a bit feigned. I have to open and sniff the household cleaners to see if I will be able to tolerate the scent without progressing to the inability to breath or a migraine or whatever else intolerances my body chooses to respond to. Scented candles are wonderful to me, for about 5 minutes and I can’t take it anymore. I realize it sounds like I am looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I guess I am.


I can’t expect that every person in my life know this stuff about me, but I should expect my closest family members and even more so, my SPOUSE, should know me.

I must tell a family “secret” of a gift I received from my husband many years ago, when we were newlyweds.

I think that if he and his family had not built it up so highly for weeks, about how thrilled I would be with this gift, I probably would have gratefully received this gift and showed the proper respect. Ladies, I think you will be shocked to learn the gift that I received (and was very unhappy about) was a RING! (A gold ring--funny that I prefer silver)

It was a nice pleasant style and had a simple design, and was not hideous or anything…it was a very nice gift…for someone else. The fact that I had been set up for so many weeks, by his entire family--whom I later learned helped to pick out the gift--which only made matters worse, because not only was I in hot water with my husband, but also with his two sisters and his MOM!!

I was very excited as I began to open the package, and did my best to feign the exuberance they were expecting, but couldn’t hide the tears--which were obviously not tears of joy. Why did I cry? If this was my husband’s idea of the “perfect gift” for his bride, then we obviously had a HUGE communication problem, and he didn’t really know me at all.

Did they not notice that I rarely wore my wedding ring--which btw was a ring from MY Great Grandmother--I liked the older style of it and wishing to have “antique” wedding rings, we asked my family if I could have the ring. My husband NEVER got a wedding band. I was too afraid that his work (as a mechanic) would cause him to lose a finger, and since I had taken Grecco-Roman History was well aware that the wedding band was originally a pagan practice, I would have been just as happy “jumping the broom” and felt every bit as married. And my husband knew that.

I guess, since it was supposed to be some sort of tradition in my husband’s family (which I was never informed of) that I was being accepted into my husband’s family as “one of them”…never found that out until well after my tears exposed me as ungrateful. “Why, any woman would be happy to receive such a fine gift from their husband!!!” I got that from everyone, except those who really know me…

I suppose the fact that I was a dealer of collectible COSTUME jewelry, and had a few pieces of HISTORICAL interest to me, might have confused the issue a bit. I am into history, not jewelry. I APPRECIATE fine jewelry, on other people, and in a museum…not on myself as a general rule.

I won’t go into the “bloody details” of our ensuing arguments and the hurt feelings on both sides…

Then I promised my husband that I would do for him, what he had done for me.

I promised to get him one of the finest gifts he would ever get. I promised that I would bring in my whole family and tell him for weeks just how great a gift this would be and how happy he would be. (Basically I was “promising” to get even…which I am not saying is one of my more shining moments.)

I told him I would show him the way to please a spouses heart with my gift to him. After days and days of my building up what a perfect gift it would be (mind you I had NO INTENTION WHATSOEVER of actually purchasing it) I asked him if he wanted a hint…

I told him how much it would cost, and that it was very fine. Eventually, I told him what it would be…an Armani 3 piece suit! You should know that my husband had 3 hound dogs, was an avid hunter and fisherman, loved camping, was employed as a mechanic, and the hound dogs usually had top priority as he had them before I came into the picture!

He looked at me as if I were crazy…what would he do with an Armani suit?, he asked, incredulously, and (wait for it …) “OHHHHHH!” He had an “aha” moment.

The fact that my husband wears ONLY western cut Wranglers--and for very special occasions (like our wedding!) --in a color other than indigo, and has no occasion to wear a 3 piece suit, nor would ever want to…he FINALLY understood. At least that a gift needs to embrace the world of the receiver to be considered a good and proper gift.

Over the years, my husband has felt intimidated about gift giving to me, but he has generally mastered the art. Grow flowers for me in the yard, which I can enjoy daily, is preferred over purchased flowers which soon die and seem such a waste. A jar of catclaw honey is more important than a box of fine chocolates. An oversized mixing bowl that could hold the cookies or breads that I enjoyed baking. A DVD of an old black and white movie that makes me cry…the good kind of tears. And I am even happy when I get something like a blender or a mixer or towels, not very personal, but something that might make my household chores a little less stressed.

I love it when my husband shows he really knows who I am…and he is thrilled when he gets camouflage (just about anything) and some Coleman fuel for his hunting trips.

And just because I know my husband, doesn’t mean I know everything. Only a few years ago I learned that he loves tulips! So I bought him some tulip bulbs for the flower garden.

I especially like when we exchange “stumbled upon” gifts for each other. One day, recently, my husband came home with a NASCAR racing cap for me, and I had “stumbled upon” a photograph of a bobcat kitten in a tree by a fine photographer. (Cutest cat you ever saw.) They were not HUGE gifts, but they said so much. They said that we KNOW the other one’s HEART. And that is a pretty big gift…

It’s all in how you frame it……..

Like well-framed paintings and photographs, how we frame events in our minds will help us (or hurt us) in our desire to make sound choices for our families.



As an example:
When I was a very new mother, with little sleep, I complained to my Grandmother how many wet diapers I had been changing. (We were using cloth diapers.) My Grandmother stopped me almost in mid-sentence. “My dear,” she said, “Just think how awful it would be if those diapers WERE dry! Wet diapers are a sign of good health, that things are on the right track, so don’t complain about it…be very glad!”



I am so grateful to her for saying that to me. She reframed my thoughts and I looked at the tedious experience with a little more understanding. How desperate I would be if those diapers weren’t wet, as it would mean there was something very WRONG.


I was foolishly looking at the situation in a selfish, unthinking manner. Had I let that foolishness continue, resentment would have built in me, subconsciously, and it surely would have worked it’s way through our growing relationship and bonding with my child.

Blank Space………..

If you have ever done any advertising, especially print ads, you are well aware of the importance of blank space. Too much “ink” and the visual “noise” will not draw you into the ad. It will be deemed confusing and exhausting. Counter to the aim of persuasion. (Ever try reading a book where the words fill the entire page, with no margins to speak of?)


Life can be like that…if you get too much stuff filling it, you will zone out, and just go through the motions or shut down altogether. Too much stuff, ordered and dictated by others, I mean.


Children need “blank space”. Everyone needs “blank space”. It’s the thing that frames the rest of your world. It’s sort of a personal time out, only one doesn’t necessarily “do nothing” in their moments of blank space. Sometimes it is letting the winds blow you where they will, like a sail boat, or browsing and musing. At other times, the driving force is not the winds, but a driving passion for something, like a rudder and a motor, with specific direction and speed.


It is during the “blank spaces” of your life that you are most at rest and at ease, or the most engaged; with time to contemplate and explore or become so excited you just have to share it with others. You feel compelled to pursue!


This is why I strongly disagree with long school days, and year-round schooling, unless there are good, long breaks without mandates by others.
Homework is a reasonable expectation, but the increased amount of busy work is unseemly, serving no real purpose.

Good “down time” is when one is allowed to pursue their own interests, unencumbered by what someone else thinks they should be learning about it.

• Reading a book for the sheer pleasure of it, without having to make notes and write papers and take tests over it.
• Endeavoring to build or create something without parameters set by someone else.
• Taking a walk in the snow and hearing the crunch, crunch, crunch, underfoot.
• Singing or humming because you feel a bit on the merry side of things, even if your voice isn't like a nightingale's.

It is during these moments that most people discover their own passions, and with enough blank space incorporated into their lives, they are more likely to achieve their goals. They are more able to embrace and exude happiness. They may develop an aura of achievement, highlighted by true accomplishments.


Discipline, in the sense of guidance and training, especially self-discipline, is extremely important, and I am in no way detracting from all it's requirements, virtues, and desirous results.


However, the necessity of putting in a good days work and working toward a disciplined excellence shouldn’t deny us from loose-ing ourselves from those bridles and running free in the fields once in a while (or even on a regular basis).

First Sounds....

Encouraging a good and clear sound for your child is important for communication skills; speaking, reading, and writing.

“We go to da pwaygwound” is only “cute” to you. To everyone else it sounds like the child needs speech therapy.




I babysat for a couple of little girls, and it took me weeks to decipher what they were saying. They spoke a lot, just not very clearly. Imagine what the impact is on a child when they begin to read and spell, and they see the word playground, not pwaygwound.




“Him has t’ go aside”--written, you can probably get the idea that a male (him)
needs to go outside. My little charge was trying to tell me that the puppy needed to go out to piddle, but she was running her words together and it wasn’t clear to me for a while what she meant. “Is for weez” was really “It’s for us”. Again, this may seem very cute and appropriate for a young age, BUT when she gets into class and has to form her sentences and write them, she will have to unlearn much of what has been re-enforced in her formative years. These little girls were clearly old enough to have their language corrected, but the parents thought it was cute.




Practice consonant and vowel sounds with them, long before you introduce the written concept. Making sure they can clearly hear and repeat a true sound, will help them when they need to write and read. Letting them continue to speak “baby-babble” is a true unkindness.




When introducing the written letters, it’s a good idea to have large flash cards and have the child trace the letters as you say them. First while looking at the letter, and then with their eyes closed. (You hold their hand and help them trace the letters in the same way that they would write them, for “t” the straight line down then add the cross bar) If you notice they continue to have confusion about certain letters, you can try a variety of methods to help. Scent. Are they confusing “b” and “d”? Try green apple for one, and peppermint for the other--making sure that you are saying the letter and the sound very clearly for each one. (Don’t forget to write down what scent you have used for which letters!) If that doesn’t work, try “writing” the letters on their back with your finger, again while saying the letters. Or tactile methods--make a fuzzy “b” and a sandpaper “d”, and have them trace it with their fingers. One of those three methods usually works, but there are others to try.




Hold up an apple and slowly say aaaaapppple, stressing the short "a" sound. When they repeat it, listen carefully that the “ple” doesn’t become “apuw”. If they are hearing something other than the “l”--quickly let them hear that sound separately…and then at the beginning of a word “love the baby”, “love”, apple. It can take time for a child to be able to distinguish sounds, or even for their little mouths to be able to make the sound correctly, so patience and perseverance is key.



Remember this is correction, not discipline…so the corrections should never have a negative connotation or impatient sounding voice.




How you hear a word in your head is how you will try to spell a word, and if you are saying a word incorrectly, you can’t even look it up in the dictionary.





Recommended Reading:
The Cheery Scarecrow
author/illustrator: Johnny Greulle
This is an adorable story with brilliant illustrations by the author of the famed Raggedy Ann and Andy books, though those two are not in this book.
Two children meet with talking scarecrow and have some refreshments with him...
this is a very old story and seems to be available in limited areas...some libraries list it though. Antiquarian shops or eBay often have a copy or two. Worth the effort to find this one.

Different is not necessarily wrong…..part II

As parents, we sometime chide ourselves for not giving our kids the same things we had as children. Some things are beyond our control, like grandparents living in different parts of the country, or even another country altogether. The world has gone through some changes since we ourselves were children, and our families certainly have gone through changes, so why would we think we should have the same family design as our parents did.


An example:
In my childhood household, my father would only have a live tree at Christmas time.
He detested even the idea of the artificial tree. We grew up thinking that we would give up gifts if it meant we couldn’t have a live tree. And it had to be the biggest floor to ceiling tree to be found.

In my own little family, though, we tried to keep up this tradition. My husband also preferred the real trees. I had learned, though, that there had been artificial trees for many, many years… They were feather trees, and other types of artificial trees, and many of those were tabletop trees.

I learned that Christmas trees in early years of our country were sold beyond Christmas, and into the New Year, because some folks couldn’t afford the trees until the prices fell low enough. Santa sometimes was delayed at poorer homes until late January! How many fires and injuries were due to having a real tree in the house and putting candles on it?

We had come to a point in our lives that we had very large active dogs, and a baby, and a collection of old ornaments that fit better on an artificial tree, as it had greater spacing between the branches. So we broke down and used a 5-foot artificial tree on top of a table. Guess what? We didn’t like it at first, but it was the best way to preserve the safety of the family, and we got used to it. It wasn’t as bad as we had thought it might be. Different wasn’t so bad after all.

How many families get into huge arguments over what traditions will be blended into their households? Each new family unit needs to allow themselves the luxury of forming new family traditions, and keeping the old ones when appropriate and agreed upon. I missed not going caroling (a childhood tradition with friends), but enjoyed celebrating the 12 days of Christmas (a newly adopted family tradition).

As a child we didn’t put up a Nativity, but in my own household, I had stumbled across an old handmade rustic “wood and stick” barn, and had assembled a variety of older mismatched figures from Italy, Germany, and France. We built up a great routine for the holiday season. Beginning shortly after Thanksgiving, the “day to day” portions of the Nativity were displayed, like the animals and the shepherds. As the month progressed, Mary and Joseph were placed far away from the Nativity, and moved a little closer day by day. Of course, Baby Jesus was not placed into the manger until Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning, and the Angels were now “round about”. Then we unpacked the 3 wise men, and they began their journey to bring gifts to the King, on Twelfth Night...the traditional day to take down the tree.
An interactive Nativity. We allowed our son to “play with” and rearrange the animals and the shepherds, but “Jesus” was not a toy. This was certainly different than my childhood, but it was definitely not wrong. We had hours of entertainment and it set the meaning of Christmas and the time frame a bit more strongly in all our minds.

Don’t let “traditions” rule over you…if they just can’t be done, or will not work for you, let them go. If you can revive one on an occasional basis, great--if you can’t--LET IT GO! If you can’t celebrate Christmas on Christmas--find another day that works--it’s the spirit of Christmas and the Birth of OUR SAVIOUR we celebrate--not a day on the calendar!

Recommended Reading: The Christmas Tree Book
author: Philip V. Snyder
This is a wonderful book to read before the coming holidays. It is full of wonderful photos.
It may even help you identify some of your grandmother's ornaments. This is not a price guide.
It is a history of everything on the tree, the tree itself, and under the tree. You will see how the wars affected the production and distribution of beautiful glass balls, metal reflectors, lights, etc.
It will even explain why the production of the light bulb influenced our tree decorations, and NOT just with electric lights. It covers many countries, England, Germany, France, Japan,Italy and the US. This is one of my favorite books for Christmas Tree history........

Indian Corn is Outside the Box

I spent much of my childhood in a small rural community just outside of Lincoln, Nebraska.
My father was an avid and prolific organic gardener, who also wrote for Mother Earth News, and Organic Gardening magazines.
There was a point in time where a local farmer and my father were enjoying a conversation about traditional farming vs. organic methods. The farmer shared the following story with my Dad…



The farmer explained that he was a corn farmer and that things had been rough for his family. One autumn he had taken his family to purchase a pumpkin and some Indian corn for decorations during the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays. While at the little roadside stand, the farmer began making a mental note of how much money was exchanging hands for each of the Indian Corn ears.
After returning home with their goods, the farmer did a little more thinking… and calculating.
He decided to try to partake of the windfall profits that the harvest decoration suppliers were raking in (compared to the price of a bushel of corn).
He and his family determined to take a very small portion of their land and put it into Indian Corn.
To his great surprise and amazement, his neighboring corn farmers scorned and ridiculed him for dabbling in such things!
He had the last laugh though, on his way to Hawaii with his family for a vacation. One that was well deserved and long overdue, AND wouldn’t have been possible without the crazy Indian corn field.
Even after the farmer's great success with the Indian corn, the nay-sayers still scoffed at him.


Of course, if EVERY farmer in same vicinity decided to grow the Indian corn, I don’t know if there would have been a large enough market to accommodate a handsome profit to all, but why should the others hold the innovative farmer in
such disregard.


The farmer had demonstrated courage to try something new, to take a (calculated) risk--one that would not harm his regular operation at all--and accepted the chiding by his neighbors--while on the way to the bank.


My father often referred to this little conversation, and I think that it helped him become a greater risk taker. In later years he was more likely to trust his own hunches and judgments and disregard the opinions of nay-sayers.


A case in point--at a charity yard auction my father spied a decorative metal bowl with some odd writing on it. He brought it over to me and asked my opinion of it. I thought that if it hadn’t had the strange writing on it, it would have been more appealing. I suggested that he put it back.

(This was not an “auction” in the ordinary sense, one would go up an down aisles and rows of bins and place items they were considering in a cardboard box. When you had what you were interested in, you would take it to the cashiers for a “price”--sometimes they would dicker with you, and sometimes they would stand firm in their price.)


My father did put it back as I had suggested, but went right back to it and brought it to me again. He insisted that I take a second look at it--he felt it might be real solid silver. At that, I took a second look, and said, perhaps it was, but no one would want it with all that crazy writing on it, and it was only suitable for scrap. He put the bowl back--again.


I was surprised when my father returned to tell me he had purchased his whole box of items, including that silly bowl, for about $5.00. He said we wouldn’t be out anything if it was “nothing”, but he really had a feeling about it.


By this time, I had sort of had a change of heart about the bowl. I really began to study it. It had a decorative chased rim--which I later discovered through a little research was called “niello”--which had real gold on it. The strange writing I at first thought was possibly Hebrew,though I found a Jewish friend who ruled that out, but he couldn’t place the language either. Then we thought perhaps it was Arabic. It didn’t seem to be that either. We put it out for sale at $50 the very first day, before we even had had time to research it. One woman who had asked about it was shocked and horrified that we were asking such an unseemly price and "hmmpphhed" at us and stormed off as if we had insulted her intelligence by asking such a price.


The item seemed to be attracting a lot of attention, from other dealers, as well as customers, much more so than other decorative bowls we had sold.
I was frankly a little put out with the haughty woman who refused to pay $50 for a solid silver decorative bowl.


I decided to hang on to it and really do some research on it. The internet was not quite so available at that time, so I had to do my research through books and other friends who might help.


I never could discover the language on the bowl--the eventual buyer of it agreed to tell me after I delivered the bowl to his upscale antique shop. He paid quite a goodly sum to us--in the hundreds of dollars--and disclosed the reason we couldn’t identify the language was that it was a form of Sanskrit!


We don’t know what he ended up selling the bowl for--but we made a very nice increase on our investment…and we imagine he did too!

So what does this have to do with parenting?


Teach your children to think for themselves and not be guided by others limited thought. There are many ways to demonstrate this…a piece of paper becomes an airplane that can fly across the room, or a fan, or a snowflake…


What else can I do with this? What things are other people doing that I might take advantage of? What things are going on that others are missing? Pay attention…there are many things happening all around us everyday that we choose to ignore, and sometimes, wrongfully, belittle.

Recommended Reading: My Side of the Mountain
author: Jean Craighead George
Still one of my all time favorite books. It also became one of my son's favorite books.
I read it every summer as a kid.
A young boy runs away to live in the wilds of his ancestral family home in the mountains...builds an unusual house, provides his own food, and adopts an interesting "pet". The background "nature" info is great! The author has a website with a video describing the book and how she came to write the book.

Artful play....

There are toys and playthings that are open-ended of which there should be many in your home.

There are toys that have specific and (pre-)directed play. For instance, Nerf shooters, make-up station dolls heads, or action figures.

• In the 1960's there was a doll that would "cry" when you spanked it. The only time the doll was "useful" was when the little mother had to discipline the "baby". Same child owned an open-ended baby doll. Which one do you think had the tender-loving, embracing moments with the little mother and which one needed to misbehave in order to activate the "selling point"?

Open-ended playthings, like blocks and construction toys, dolls which are merely representations of babies, even playing cards can be open-ended. Anything that a child can pick up and play with that doesn't have a pre-determined story line "built into it" is a good choice for a plaything.

Unfortunately, the cassette tape recorder/player is losing a foothold. They can still be had for about $25 for a modest example, but they can be hours of hilarious fun for the kids.

Simple tape recorders can be used to

• practice singing, counting, abc's, other languages
  
• to record sounds--and test family and friends if they can determine what made the sound
  
• make up "radio plays" and voice-act the parts, older children may add sound effects like the sound of horses hooves.
  
• include silly advertisements, jokes, riddles or poems
  

Or

• they can play pre-recorded stories and songs and act them out, which is more toward directed play, but the kids must listen to the story, perhaps The Gingerbread Boy, and decide who will play which part and they will decide how to act out the part. Dr. Suess stories make for a great "show" to act out. Teddy Bear Dance is great fun, too!
  

Green or Recycling play:

Pressing your children to look at something and see if it can be used for something else will astound you at what they can come up with...try one of these to show them how something might be used in an alternative way...

• Eggshells: washed, crushed, and a little food coloring become an ecological texturing material used like glitter, although it is matte and not shiny. 3-D art! White will make your clouds and your sheep jump off the page.

• Dryer lint: can be used for a papier mache base to mold beads or heads for puppets or whatever.

• Cereal box: can be transformed into a pretty tote by covering with fabric or heavy paper (like a wallpaper scrap). Handles can be made by twisting strips of plastic grocery sacks. Or scraps of ribbon recycled from a gift.

Coloring, drawing, sketching, and painting: Always keep plenty of the following on hand and encourage it's use often.

• paper: writing, drawing, sketching, artist, construction, graph paper
  
• pens, pencils, crayons, watercolor pencils, pastels, chalk, charcoal
  
• brushes, foam brushes--foam brushes are fun to "paint" the sidewalk (using only water on a warm day) to watch the water evaporate
  
• tape: scotch, double stick, masking, duct tape--available in many colors--make a wallet with it or a prom dress!
• glue sticks, white glue, tacky glue, dry glue, glue dots
  

Want to encourage your children to read and write? Help them make a book of their own imagination. Ask them to tell you what happened when they went to the park or zoo or ??, and write down the story in their own words. Some children will want to illustrate it with their own artwork. Others may choose to use photographs.

• Cameras, whether disposable or digital.
  

"This is Cherry, she is my toy poodle" + photo of the dog

"Cherry doesn't like to play in puddles" + photo of the dog in a puddle.


These concepts are so simple. There are no real inherent dangers in allowing your children to play with toys that are pre-directed, but encouraging your children to act upon their own ideas will help them in the real world of

• decision making--they must make up the world and what happens next, not follow a "script"
  
• determination--they must stick with a goal from inception to completion
  
• self confidence--if they have an idea, they can at least try it, even if it doesn't work out the way they had hoped
  
• working with others to achieve a goal--like a puppet show or a radio program or a series of jokes and riddles or a book.

Recommended Reading:
My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett
There are actually 3 books in the series about a father as a little boy who meets an alley cat, and finds his way to rescuing a baby dragon.......very fanciful and silly and fun.

Look with our eyes...

While standing in line at the bank recently, I felt very sad at the approach a woman was taking with her children. Typically, we see children who are bored out of their minds, so they act up, trying to get Mom's (or Dad's or Grandma's) attention.

Attention for misbehavior is always considered
better
than being ignored by a parent
to a child.

Mother was preoccupied with standing in line, perhaps in thought, but nothing else to do but stand waiting.

"He's looking at me!" middle child whines...
“Stop that!” Mom shouts under her breath...
Child got exactly what she was seeking...attention.
Mom returns to “standing in line” and ignoring the children.
I am not sure what this mother expected the children to do, just sit quietly with hands folded in their lap, saying nothing, doing nothing for more than 10, maybe 20 minutes??
Children continue to fuss, smaller one decides to fidget with the part of the basket that opens to a seat, and almost gets her fingers caught. Oldest child tries to prevent the pinched fingers. This annoys the little one, who whines to her mother. This goes back and forth for a few minutes and finally the mother is exasperated....
"Just WAIT 'til I get you home..."
More fidgeting and whining...
"I can't wait 'til school starts up again and I don't have to take you with me!!" Mom has had it...but they kids see no reason to stop, so they continue on with their fidgeting and
whining...little one keeps playing with the seat.
"Go ahead, let her get her fingers caught," Mom continues,
"Let her do it, it is the only way she will learn not to play like that!"
Now, at the end of her rope, she loudly whispers at them,
"You are going to be very sorry when I get you home!"
At that point it was my turn to go to the next teller and conduct my business.



After I returned to my car and was on the way home, I still felt badly for the way those children were being treated by an otherwise seemingly loving Mom. I started to think that if this woman's children behaved in such a fashion with her, did she think her little one's would act more appropriately at school with a teacher?? Did she even care what effect her children's behavior would have on a room full of equally acting out kids??
"Not her problem..." I suppose she thinks, if it should even cross her mind.



So what could this mother have done differently? She had no other option than to bring her kids with her while she attended to her chores of banking and shopping. So, how could she have changed the complexion of her day--less stress--more fun--and build a relationship with her children who would go on to remember their mother with the utmost of love and dedication.
She had no strategy. She had no forethought. She offered no positive interaction. She made her children out to be a bothersome distraction which was forced upon her by school having it’s summer break! (Out only 2 weeks at the time of this incident!)
She felt no responsibility for her children’s actions, or behaviors, and how they might affect others. (No one wants to listen to a group of whining belligerent kids who are bored for 20 minutes, NOR their mother who repeats “stop it” over and over with no action. She has not trained her children on the proper conduct in public, so why should she expect that from them? (I would presume they are just as misbehaved at home.)



Let’s start over. A mother knows she must bring her children on her various errands, and these errands are boring and tedious for herself, let alone children. Instead of standing in line and ignoring her kids--except for warnings and chastisement over their embarrassing her in public--she could have used any number of ideas to engage the children in some directed avenue. If she had done this over time, from the beginning, with her children, they often will enter this on their own, or an older child will happily direct the younger children. Simple games, like I Spy, or word games like What rhymes with…? Depending on the age of the children there are many games to play using only sight and sound. Other situations, like a trip to the grocery store, may have your kids begging (sometimes screaming) for candy, donuts, chips, or toys. Rewarding poor behavior in this manner is ridiculous. A very small child might be interacted with in this way?


“We need milk…what can you tell me about milk?” Guided simple questions. While you are on your way, if the child doesn’t mention the word “cold”…you can. Then stop where you are at and have the child feel whatever is on the shelf…maybe a box of cereal.
“Is that “cold”? No, it’s not cold. Where is the milk in our house? It’s in the refrigerator.


An on-going conversation. Attention. Parent-child face-time. This may increase your time in the store, but probably not, if you aren’t having to correct for poor behavior. Every time you go somewhere, there are things to learn, it’s an adventure!! You can bond in a very positive manner with your kids and shop at the same time.

Older children often enjoy getting involved with the shopping. Let them peruse the weekly advertisements. Let them match the coupons to the specials. Let them take an inventory of staples and help write our the marketing list. Errands can be fun, not chores.


When I worked in a second hand store, we used to have a group of pre-school and kindergarten students come to visit the shop. There were at least 10-20 students on various occasions. One would think that would be an event we did not look forward to, but there were lessons they were being taught that were very good. First, the person in charge of the group of kids asked permission to let the kids come for a visit…we had a wide variety of very interesting things for sale including many Christmas ornaments, both antique and new. The organizer gathered the children outside the store and had them line up. She then proceeded to remind them, “We look with our eyes, not our hands…” as she continued to put her hands behind her back, the children followed. They had a working foundation set BEFORE they stepped into the store. They knew what was expected of them. They had rules to follow, and knew that if they didn’t they would not be able to return to the store. It was fun to have them come in and enjoy what neat things we had for sale…with their eyes…not their hands. Should a child be so taken with an item that they felt they could not resist, a gentle reminder of the rules and they put their hands behind their back. (Some just left their hands at their sides) They “ooohed” and “aaahhhed“, and commented, discreetly, and when the visit came to a close, they thanked us and went on their way. This was a very well-behaved group.


Establishing “rules of engagement” for different times and places with our children is important. They need to know from the beginning how they are expected to act. It needs to be practiced. It needs to be second nature to them. It will be a source of pleasure for everyone.

An Apple a Day…

An apple a day (and an apple journal)...may increase your child’s desire to eat right

Trying to break your kids (and maybe yourself) of the candy habit and develop better eating habits? You may want to start an apple journal. There are many varieties now making their way to grocery stores, and farmer’s markets. It is certainly worth a look. Your local library or used bookstore will probably have at least one book devoted to the apple. For an inviting site about apples, take a visit to

http://www.orangepippin.com/

and be sure to check out why they chose that name. Your local stores often carry an increased level of varieties during the fall, so even if you do your normal shopping at your favorite store, you may want to take a trip to other stores you don’t normally patronize just to check their produce section. Locally, only one store carries the Sonya apple.

While I really like red delicious apples, I began my apple journal and was wowed by Braeburn and Johnagold. I wasn’t so impressed with Fuji, and haven’t been able to get a fresh enough Ambrosia apple to make a true assessment. It is important that you rate an apple’s freshness as well, since no apple tastes very good that is old and mushy. Some of the apples, of course, will cost a bit more per pound…but if you are just taste testing--one or two shouldn’t break the budget and taste testing will be a fun family activity.

Apples are easy to start with as most children will eat apples even if it isn’t their favorite fruit. Apples usually have stickers on them, and children generally like to keep track of their apples (and other fruits or veggies) using those.

You can start with whatever you have handy in the fridge, with what they know and what is easily available, especially if there is something that they already like and can use to start the journal. If they are too young to write things for themselves, then, of course, you can question them (at their level) and write their responses down…they will probably come up with some really funny comparisons and you may treasure their comments for a long time, and be glad that you took the time to record it for the future. They may only be able to give you the color and whether or not the like it. Let them rate the food on a scale of 1-5 by using a shaped tip marker (hearts or stars)
(or little stickers). The next trip to the grocery store will be an adventure to find a new apple (or other food) to try and compare. (If you or your child are camera buffs, you can take your own photos, too!)


(Any food will work where you can find a wide variety available, even types of breads from around the world: pita, tortilla, French Baguette, Marble Rye, sourdough…or beans: pinto, kidney, black, navy, etc. I keep a journal of different types of honey. So, if apples won‘t work for you there are many other things to choose from.)

There are so many more varieties available now that you could try a different apple or pear or peach each week for a long time. Smaller notebooks or journals work well. Place the sticker ( or label from other foods) from the apple or pear and add notes on the

• sweetness or tartness

• describing the color (green, yellow, red, green with a red blush, pink with a green blush)

• the texture (firm, crunchy, crispy, solid, mushy)

• the flavor

• where it was purchased (what store, shop, or market)

• the date is also important as some apples, pears and other foods are only available for a short period of time. (There’s a tiny little pear that I can only find around Thanksgiving that I really enjoy.)

How about a weekly contest? Who will try the most new things? Who will eat the greatest variety? Whoever “wins” may get to choose what will be served for dinner one night that week, or what book to read, or movie to watch, or game to play at a designated reward time. Who ate foods from the farthest country? (Yes, you can throw some geography in for fun.)

It’s all in how we frame things. If we associate trying new foods with a sense of adventure and accomplishment, with a sense of fun, and not with a sense that we “must eat everything on our plate or else”, we will make more converts.

Another ploy that I have used with smaller children is to make it a point to NOT serve them something, and then comment amongst the parents (and others) how good it tastes. If they haven’t asked to try some by halfway through the meal, you may open a discussion with them.

“Would you like to have some of this very good food? We should probably share a little bit of this with you in case you might enjoy it as much as we do.” (Then only offer a very very small amount.) “If you like it, we will have to stop being so “piggy” about it and share with you.”

Truly, if they act as if they really don’t like it, in most cases it will be alright to exempt them, at least for a while. This only works with foods that really are new to them. The goal is to create a mind set that no food will be forced on them--as long as they will taste it. If they have a fairly good diet otherwise, food needn’t become a battle.

Exposing children to positive activities involving fruits and vegetables, whole grains, etc., could include

• food journals

• coloring books with food as a theme: (If you happen across any food choices you don’t like in the coloring book, you can either photocopy the ones you do approve of or use a razor or scissors to edit out what you don’t like)

• grocery ads: weekly ads often have very colorful fruits and veggies page. Let them cut out the pictures of the fruits and veggies or foods they like and keep a scrapbook or 3 x 5 card file. Older children can help cut out coupons and match up what is on sale with the coupons (Though, there are not many that are for fresh produce)
  

• faux foods: While working in a resale shop years ago, I was very surprised to see how well faux fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. sold. People used them for making wreaths and other decorative arrangements, but also as foods for their children to play with. Toy stores often offer the apple, banana, orange…thrift stores often have bags full of artichokes, asparagus, broccoli, cabbage, pea pods, onions, eggplant, squashes, mushroom, eggs, strawberries, pineapples, and much more.

• recipe books with lots of pictures

• single subject books are often well illustrated and will have a lot of fun info on a single produce item, like apples, corn, beans, potatoes, etc.

• garden catalogs will show a wide variety of foods available with smiling folks and lots of color. Ever seen a purple potato? Spaghetti squash? Both are available in many expanded produce markets. How about white eggplants, or red, not orange, carrots?
  

• on-line you can find growers associations that sometimes offer free videos, coloring books, and many recipes to entice you to spend your money on what they grow! (try watermelons!)

• Introduce new or challenging things as a special event. Make a little invitation featuring an apple pattern, or in the shape of an apple. (Remember garden catalogs or grocery ads will often have an apple you can cut out.) Invite them to a special apple party. It can be simple, but make a big production out of it. You could serve apple juice, or spiced cider, or apple pie, or apple crisp…and have a small journal or notebook wrapped as a gift. If they are old enough, let them decorate the front of it with apple cut outs or stickers. Explain what the apple journal is all about, and how you will be interacting with them--reading about apples, making foods that contain apples, tasting new varieties, trips to the grocery store to pick out a new apple! It’s a party, an event!!
  

• Introduce a new or challenging thing as a face to face cuddle time…sitting with an appropriate book or magazine and talking in a comforting tone, and introducing the subject in a very safe and comfortable way. Whatever works.
  

The best (and most able to teach) teachers are the ones who are passionate about what they teach. Their enthusiasm about their subject will spill out of them and into their students. So if you “model” enthusiasm, and a sense of adventure when it comes to foods, (or anything) that will be more contagious.

So, Let’s get ready for the new apple crops this fall. If you are fortunate enough to live near an area where you can go pick a basket of apples on a farm, you will have a lovely day. Don’t miss out if they also have fresh juice and cider available, too.

Recommended Reading:

FARMER BOY
by Laura Ingalls Wilder
This book is about her husband's life as a boy growing up in New York. It is appropriate and enjoyed by both boys and girls, and most parents, too. It is often included in her "Little House" series, but the book stands alone very well. (You may want to check out the Little House series, for a really fine family reading time.)

Different... is not necessarily wrong…Part I

There are times when rules or specifications MUST be followed to the letter…and there are times were we can afford to be a little more lenient, a bit more forgiving.
If we are working on a space flight…yep, we will want to make sure that the “o” rings are measured properly so we don’t cause an explosion. If we are driving, yep, we need to carefully follow the rules. But there are times that we really don’t have to hold things to a certain standard and it’s still alright.
Many disagreements and arguments can be headed off if we remember the “rules”…

If a task is not performed in the same way as I would do it, will somebody die or be maimed or become ill? Will a machine be ruined? If none of those apply, then maybe it can be let go. Choose your battles wisely.

For instance, upsets over the way laundry is folded, or the way the dishwasher is loaded, or the best way to dust or vacuum…

There was a time I was recovering from surgery and my (then) toddler son was recovering from an injury, and my husband was suddenly in charge of all things “household”.
Laundry, dishes, meals, all were being done, but not the way “I” would have done them. Instead of trying to interject my own way of doing things…it was best for all that I looked the other way. The point is, that it was getting done.

At one point in time I had decided that my young son needed to contribute to the family with a few more chores.

• I asked him to fold the wash cloths.
  
• I showed him how to do it.
  
• He did it fairly well, and after a few exercises in this task, we moved on to towels.
  
• I demonstrated and helped him fold them “my way”.
  
• He struggled over several days with different loads, and finally decided to take matters in his own hands and fold them the way he felt he could do a better job.
  
• I had the choice of asking him to re-fold them and re-place them in the drawers (which is what part of me was screaming to do) OR
  
• I could accept that he DID do what I had asked by folding and putting away the towels and washcloths. “My way”, they fit a bit more easily into the drawers, but it was his chore and he had accomplished it.

I asked him why he had folded them in a different manner, and he demonstrated that with his much shorter arms, my way was a bit more difficult for him, so he had devised a way to satisfy his responsibility.

To keep the drawers consistent from folding to folding, I adopted his style--for a time--and in doing this,

• I validated his effort,
  
• his ability to solve a problem on his own,
  
• and his “neatness” in performing the task improved through practice and time. Eventually, we were able to go back to the alternate way of folding. He “owned” his task, and knew it was up to him, rarely having to be reminded.

To some of you this seems like I let the child run the household, to others it may seem that I should have insisted that things be done according to my wishes, since, after all, I am the parent. I hope, though, that the greater portion of you would have felt that bending the rules a bit, when it wasn’t of particular danger to anyone…was the more advantageous move.

These are the moments that cause the type of bonding that families hunger after. Choose your battles wisely.

recommended reading: I will try to recommend at least one book that is very suitable for family readings. Whether you choose to read to your children at bedtime only, or as a matter of habit, reading to children is more apt to make them a reader on their own! Don’t assume that your children will prefer fiction…you may just have a child who loves how-to books, or science, or recipe books!
One of our favorite books at the time of the laundry folding incident was
The Bunnies' Get Well Soup
author / illustrator
Joan Elizabeth Goodman
(my son loved to sneeze for all the little rabbits and even for their little bunny slippers...it is one of my fondest memories...but it did add quite a bit of time to the reading!)
Thank you for your patience as I learn to navigate this blogging site!