Different... is not necessarily wrong…Part I

There are times when rules or specifications MUST be followed to the letter…and there are times were we can afford to be a little more lenient, a bit more forgiving.
If we are working on a space flight…yep, we will want to make sure that the “o” rings are measured properly so we don’t cause an explosion. If we are driving, yep, we need to carefully follow the rules. But there are times that we really don’t have to hold things to a certain standard and it’s still alright.
Many disagreements and arguments can be headed off if we remember the “rules”…

If a task is not performed in the same way as I would do it, will somebody die or be maimed or become ill? Will a machine be ruined? If none of those apply, then maybe it can be let go. Choose your battles wisely.

For instance, upsets over the way laundry is folded, or the way the dishwasher is loaded, or the best way to dust or vacuum…

There was a time I was recovering from surgery and my (then) toddler son was recovering from an injury, and my husband was suddenly in charge of all things “household”.
Laundry, dishes, meals, all were being done, but not the way “I” would have done them. Instead of trying to interject my own way of doing things…it was best for all that I looked the other way. The point is, that it was getting done.

At one point in time I had decided that my young son needed to contribute to the family with a few more chores.

• I asked him to fold the wash cloths.
  
• I showed him how to do it.
  
• He did it fairly well, and after a few exercises in this task, we moved on to towels.
  
• I demonstrated and helped him fold them “my way”.
  
• He struggled over several days with different loads, and finally decided to take matters in his own hands and fold them the way he felt he could do a better job.
  
• I had the choice of asking him to re-fold them and re-place them in the drawers (which is what part of me was screaming to do) OR
  
• I could accept that he DID do what I had asked by folding and putting away the towels and washcloths. “My way”, they fit a bit more easily into the drawers, but it was his chore and he had accomplished it.

I asked him why he had folded them in a different manner, and he demonstrated that with his much shorter arms, my way was a bit more difficult for him, so he had devised a way to satisfy his responsibility.

To keep the drawers consistent from folding to folding, I adopted his style--for a time--and in doing this,

• I validated his effort,
  
• his ability to solve a problem on his own,
  
• and his “neatness” in performing the task improved through practice and time. Eventually, we were able to go back to the alternate way of folding. He “owned” his task, and knew it was up to him, rarely having to be reminded.

To some of you this seems like I let the child run the household, to others it may seem that I should have insisted that things be done according to my wishes, since, after all, I am the parent. I hope, though, that the greater portion of you would have felt that bending the rules a bit, when it wasn’t of particular danger to anyone…was the more advantageous move.

These are the moments that cause the type of bonding that families hunger after. Choose your battles wisely.

recommended reading: I will try to recommend at least one book that is very suitable for family readings. Whether you choose to read to your children at bedtime only, or as a matter of habit, reading to children is more apt to make them a reader on their own! Don’t assume that your children will prefer fiction…you may just have a child who loves how-to books, or science, or recipe books!
One of our favorite books at the time of the laundry folding incident was
The Bunnies' Get Well Soup
author / illustrator
Joan Elizabeth Goodman
(my son loved to sneeze for all the little rabbits and even for their little bunny slippers...it is one of my fondest memories...but it did add quite a bit of time to the reading!)
Thank you for your patience as I learn to navigate this blogging site!